Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Dole
Will Debate on Jerrry Springer
May 18, 1999 _ Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Dole
have secretly agreed to their first public debate on The Jerry Springer Show, sources
confirmed late today as The Glimpse went to press.
"This promises to be a much less civil encounter than
the pro wrestling matches their husbands staged back during the 1996 presidential
campaign," said a spokesman for the Jerry Springer show. "We are definitely
hiring extra bouncers and cut men for this show. These girls just flat out don't like each
White House officials reluctantly acknowledged that First Lady Hillary
Clinton has agreed to participate in the Springer episode. "Mrs. Clinton is really
looking forward to this gig," one source confided. "This type of venue has
gained a lot of mainstream acceptability since the election of Jesse Ventura to the
governor's mansion in Minnesota."
Mrs. Dole informed The
Glimpse that she intended "to lay some whipass" on the First Lady
during the upcoming debate. "There seems to be some confusion about the purpose of
this confrontation," she said during a meeting with Glimpse editors.
"This is an opportunity for us to discuss in an intelligent way some of the leading
issues facing our country as we hurtle toward the 21st century and to find out once and
for all which one of us looks better in a slit skirt and cheap halter top."
Protocol issues have reportedly been a major stumbling block in
negotiations between the two camps over the upcoming event. According to reliable sources,
the two women readily agreed that the concept of the episode would revolve around
"First Lifestyles and the First Men Who Define Them." But it has been difficult
to agree on a surprise guest, or guests, that will be brought on to stimulate the debate.
"The surprise guest has to provide a spark that incites
in the other guests an irrational reaction of anger and violence," said the Springer
show representative. "At first we tried to get their husbands to agree, but their fees were just way out of our ballpark."
"After a lot of discussion we found out that both Mrs.
Clinton and Mrs. Dole have kind of an Urban Cowboy thing for Jerry himself," the
source said. "They won't admit that he's a turn-on, of course, but there is something
forbidden and provocative about Jerry Springer.
"So during the episode Jerry will slip into some exciting
costumes and then appear as the surprise guest himself," the official said. "We
think this could become a new model for political debate as well as kinky subject for a
future Jerry episode."
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