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Clinton Cites 'Overwhelming Odds'
And Concedes Year 2000 Election

May 14, 1999 _ President "Bill" Clinton today formally conceded the 2000 presidential election to Texas Governor George W. Bush.

"There's no way I can beat that man," Clinton told reporters today. "He's way too far ahead in the polls and he's piled up a gazillion dollars in campaign funding already. Besides, I'm tired of all this crap."

Political analysts noted that it was highly unusual for an incumbent president to concede defeat nearly 18 months before the election to a potential opponent who had not yet won a single primary . "You hardly ever see a situation like this develop," said one Democratic party insider who insisted on anonymity. "But the president is taking a very realistic view of his prospects. He has decided there's no point in putting the country through an expensive, ritualistic campaign the outcome of which is already a foregone conclusion."

The party insider dismissed suggestions that Clinton is, in any event, actually precluded from running for re-election, and that it may be presumptuous for him to speak for all potential Democratic candidates, including his deputy executive assistant, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

"George Bush is a juggernaut," said another veteran Democratic campaign manager. "Nobody wants any piece of that guy. The president is doing Al Gore and Bill Bradley and Hillary all a favor by throwing in the towel now. It will also give the party a chance to get its funding together before the next real election."

Sources said the Democratic leadership had been debating what to do in the face of Bush's astonishing showing in the polls in recent months. They were reportedly "totally psyched out" by the Texas governor's estimated $785 billion campaign war chest and by his really nice smile..

"But what blew them away was the Bush web site," said one knowledgeable observer. "It perfectly demonstrates why Bush is unbeatable in 2000: page after page of empty white space with some colorful graphics at the top and a long empty string of text down the side. It's campaign genius for the new millenium."

Democrats were grudgingly impressed by the Bush campaign committee's foresight in buying up hundreds of web domain names that could be used for anti-Bush propaganda sites. "Now we get to spend the next two years thinking up embarrassing domain names that they haven't thought of yet," said one White House aide.

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